Someday (If God is willing)

I wrote this once. I accidentally deleted it all. Frustration. I shall try again.

Bare with me. I must vent; be vulnerable, I do not want to be but I have promised. This may not make sense, be grammarly correct, or follow a specific topic, but it is how my mind works. Only I can truly understand it.

I received a message from a friend today. I am going to call this person Seeker. For that is what Seeker is doing, seeking. Seeking advice from me. I'm the last person to offer advice right now. Their advice they seek is regarding a particular romantic relationship. Again, last person to ask. In doing so, reading the lovely ideas Seeker has to win back the love, it has caused me to wonder, to daydream, to cry, and then question. I wonder about the moments we (my future husband and I) will share together. Delightful and unpleasant. I daydream of the memories we will one day have. I cry about the possiblities of never finding that, never having it, and never being truly accepted for all of me. And I question if thinking about the one I am destined to be with (if I am destined to be with someone at all) is even okay. And again, I question if there is even someone out there that will love me for all my screw-ups, insecurities, and passions.

My thoughts:
I believe it is okay. To pray for someone to share your passions with as long as it is focused strictly on God. So I dream. Almost continually/constantly. All relating God, but half spiritual love (regarding serving, passions, goals, helping others, etc.) and half romantic love (regarding falling in love, future spouse, etc). (Not saying this "romantice love" isn't spiritual as well, it should be.) Tonight it is the last mentioned. I dream of being loved. The process of falling in love. Cared for. Especially sought after. Chased. Wanted. It is in every girls dreams. God gave us these dreams. God gave us these passions to serve a man of God. I know I am not alone. In turn I know I am loved, cared for, sought after, chased and wanted by my one and only Savior. It delights me truly! Believeing this is sometimes an issue, but as I grow in Him, the more I believe it. I know He alone is my forever love and no one else can truly provide happiness in my life. And so I serve Him. But as I said, I still pray for whomever I may be with. So this is my prayer:

God,
Daddy I want a man of You. I want Him to love you with everything he has. I want him to be faithful to You every single day. I know it will be hard but Daddy I pray he tries with all his heart. I don't know where he is, what he is doing, but Daddy I pray it is for you. I pray he doesn't get caught up in the desires of this world. There is so much ugliness in this world enticing him each step he takes, Daddy, I pray he refuses to go near it. My heart cries right now for him whether I've met him or not. Grab hold of his heart and keep him grounded. Keep his steps steady and straight. Daddy, I pray he is respectful, kind, gentle. I pray he is real. I pray he shares the desires of my heart as well. I want to work with him, encourage him, be beside him in your's, his, and my passions every step of the the journey we will get to take together. Daddy, I pray he is passionate. Passionate for others, serving others, putting others before himself daily. Specifically, Daddy, I pray you send me a man in minitires. It is my passion to serve/minister others and I want him to share it with me. I know you alone can provide that. I pray he is spontateous, goofy, and loving. I pray we will laugh often as we learn and grow together. I pray we will cry often as we serve and grow to know/share the hearts of others together. Daddy, as tears fill my eyes now, I pray more than anything he is forgiving. I know there will be hurt as the day comes to confess our screw ups with one another, but Daddy I pray he will still love me, as You love me. The very thought scares me to death. And Daddy, I pray for myself. I pray I can be everything You need me to be for him. I pray, right now, I learn to grow in You alone, love as You love, serve as You serve, forgive as You forgive, and then use that when our journeys cross and become as one. Daddy, be with him, be with me. I love you. Let him know somehow I love him as well. Until then, Amen.