Introduction

My name is Amanda Yarbrough and I am 22 years old. To give you a little bit about my background: I was born into an amazing family. I have a younger sister, Lauren, who is about to graduate from high school now and I could not be more blessed to have her as my sister. She is my best friend. Both my parents are such amazing people and could not love me more than they do now. I was raised in a very grounded, Christian home and attended church on a regular basis. I accepted Christ when I was 8 years of age and tried to follow Him daily. As I entered into high school, it wasn't until my sophomore year that I truly began to understand the meaning of a relationship with Christ. My walk with Him sky-rocketed and it sailed high as I progressed through the high school chapters of my life. I graduated Hutto High School at the age of 18 and futhered my education at Texas A&M University where I will now be receiving my diploma of Bachelor of Arts in Sociology this May. My walk with Christ throughout my college experience was a dramatic difference compared to high school. It was a struggle and yet a rewarding journey. I learned a lot and grew much, but my walk with Christ fell below the line of extrodinary, even average. It has been a constant struggle to regain it the past few years; many ups and downs along the way. My sophomore year I was diagnosed with mild depression and was suggested to seek counseling along with the daily doses of medication. At first I refused to accept what I was told, I did not want to believe something was "wrong" with me, but eventually, after much discussion with family and professional help, I opened up to it and learned to accept it. But just because I had accepted it did not mean I knew how to deal with it. What was mild evetually turned into severe a year later and became somewhat of an extremely huge problem. It affected not only myself, but my friends and family as well. It got better to only get even more worse; all the way to the point that I had my death planned out. Knowing God and having the family He has given me is the only reason I am here today, but that doesn't mean everything is okay. To bring you up to speed with where I am now, I can say I've been hiding behind a mask for quite some time. I want others to see me as a happy, fun-loving, and spirited young woman, but it is only a longing for that I have right now. About a week ago, Satan took reigns on my heart and my mind and worked what power he has to destroy me. He got fairly close.

I wanted to start this blog, which will probably turn into a novel, because I am not only tired of hiding, but I want to be brutally honest with my friends, my family, and the world of the affects of depression. Along with that, I hope to find my God again. The way I use to know Him and I want you to take the journey with me. (But only if you want to of course.) Some blogs may be graphic and possibly disturbing, but that's what comes along with facing depression. I will be honest with my thoughts, my feelings, my wants, my desires, and my dreams. And I pray I find God along the way.